A Little Shift

I hate these raging hormones.  When my hormones rage, my control goes out the window.  I think I am in big trouble.  This baby is due in a week.

Ever since I got pregnant, every time I have changed I have become this overweight welder guy!  That is not supposed to happen.  My parents say they have never heard of gender changing in any of their family.   But that is what I have been doing for eight months now.

What if this welder guy gets all mellow and doesn’t change for a few months?  Before I got pregnant I only changed once or twice a year.  I could be sixteen months pregnant!

Generally stress triggers a change and isn’t the whole birth process one huge stressor?  I am not optimistic about how this is going to end.

And, God knows these changes can’t be good for the baby.  Where does it even go?  I don’t even want to think about it.

I asked my Mom about long term sedation until the baby was born.  She said that sedatives for shape shifters were unpredictable.  One of my aunts needed sedation once and they say she went through four changes in four hours.  First into a dog, then a parakeet, then a Clydesdale, and finally back to herself.  What would that do to a baby?

What was that? Did I just pee on myself?  Oooooh! That hurt!  Wait!  The Lamaze instructor said the contractions started small.  Arrrrgh!  I have to push!  Nooooo, not now, a change is starting!

A Clydesdale?  You have got to be kidding!  Ummm, I think I am a pregnant mare.  Better than a stallion, I guess.   Evidently Clydesdales are in my gene pool.  Whoops, what was that?  I believe I just had a foal.   Wow, horses do it easier than people.  Wait, it isn’t a foal, it is a little boy.  Where did all those curls come from?  Wow!  What a pair of lungs!  Uh oh, here comes another change!

Whew, I am  me again.  What an amazing thing to hold my child in my arms.  He looks perfect.  I am in love!  Look at that, he smiled at me!

Knock, knock.

“Hi, Mom, you just missed the show.”

“I felt like something was happening so I rushed over.  This place is a mess.  What happened?”

“I went into labor, shifted to a Clydesdale, and had this little guy.  Mom, how can you tell if a baby is a shape shifter?”

I am pretty sure that is a small tail.  OK, Buster, what is with that mischievous grin?

1 Comment

  1. Sue

    Maybe you should put a warning on your story segments in the blog. I about fell off my chair when I read the baby was due. LOL


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